Oh heyyy there.
So. This week was rough.
We’re not teaching anyone in Brampton right now…. so I don’t have any stories for you yet…. but STAY TUNED because Brampton doesn’t know what hit it.
Ever been through a breakup where the decision to break up wasn’t mutual? WELL THAT’S EXACTLY WHAT IT FEELS LIKE. Oh man!! I was not ready to leave Mississauga. God is for real testing me right now.
I’ve learned a lot about myself these past two transfers…. Specifically how I respond to new situations and to stress. My stomach has been upset all week and my head feels like it’s going to explode.
The cause of all my headaches is STRESS! It has always been stress! I get a headache when I can’t sleep… and I can’t sleep when I’m stressed. I get a headache when I don’t eat for long periods of time. And that happens because I’m stressed. Stress stress stress. And this week has been mighty stressful.
Stress is sneaky, though. All week I thought I was doing okay. Yeah, my head hurt and my stomach was being weird, but mentally I thought I was doing okay. I didn’t feel too overwhelmed or anything. Knocking on doors, talking with people, making calls, unpacking… just doin’ my thang. But theeenn Saturday happened.
The General Women’s broadcast was on Saturday and the whole stake was there, which included Mississauga. Seeing everyone almost made it worse!! Bleh. It was my breaking point. Sobbing through the whooolllee stinkin broadcast.
HEARTBREAK. That is the best way to describe it! In Bowmanville, Don Valley, and Toronto… I was totally expecting to leave. But Brampton just came out of no where.
And it’s not even that I just miss my old area and my old companion, it’s having to start all over again! New companion, new area, new ward…. I JUST figured out how to get around Mississauga and then I left 😦 And we were teaching such wonderful people… Sister Howle can’t drive either so I have to drive every day here. Driving in and of itself is a stressful experience.
I’ve been trying to be positive, believe me. In every prayer. Every thought. Every day.
I just need to be patient with myself. Sister Howle was here one transfer before me, so she’s been leading the way. But I feel like I can’t contribute to much to planning or anything and that stinks. BUT I WILL! I will. Soon. Patience. It took me like 2 weeks to adjust to Mississauga I think. I’ll get there. Keep praying for me.
I’ve noticed that I get super introverted and super shy in new situations. Yeah, I’m typically kinda introverted, but I don’t think I’d consider myself “shy” under normal circumstances. I just haven’t felt like myself all week. And I didn’t feel like myself at the beginning of my time in Mississauga, but then I got adjusted. Thinking back to how I adjusted to YSA and various situations, I felt the same there, too. Not myself. Not confident. Shy, not much to say. It’s a gross feeling. I just wanna be myself! And I’m trying, I just can’t. Yet. I dunno if I’m even making any sense. But that’s what’s been going on in my head all week.
You don’t have the same stress-relievers on a mission as you do at home. I can’t go for a run by myself, I can’t play piano for three hours at a time, I can’t stay up until 2 in the morning cleaning…. I can’t even be be by myself. Just gotta keep working with a smile on your face….
And I KNOW that this whole rant of mine is extremely self-centred and whiny and “woe is me” and I’m very aware of that. I’m trying SO HARD to turn outward and stop thinking about myself and put my whole head and heart into my new area. It’s not fair to Brampton, and it’s not fair to my companion. But then I guilt myself into trying not worry about my last area, which just adds more stress because then I’m beating myself up over being sad and it’s just this terrible, vicious cycle!!! And then, as a Sister Training Leader, I feel like I’m not supposed to have hard times. I’m supposed to be happy and strong all the time, right? I knowww I knowwwww that transfer calls are inspired and I’m here for a reason. But I hated my mission call to Toronto when I first got it, and then look what happened. It’ll be the same here. It’s just all very overwhelming right now. And I’m learning some very wonderful lessons on how to positively respond to stress.
I’m trying. Brace yourself for next week. You’re gonna hear about all KINDS of miracles.
The apartment in Brampton needs some serious clean sweeping. Tons of sisters have ended their mission here, and they’ve left all their junk in the apartment. I’m stoked for my new project 🙂
We’re not currently working with any investigators, but we are working with a lot of cool recent converts and returning members. So that’s pretty sweet. One of our recent converts just passed the sacrament for the first time yesterday. 🙂
The ward council is on the ball. The ward list is all cleaned up, they’re all very concerned about conver retention, and are actively reaching out to the less-active families. They set goals and make plans to make it happen, and then they follow up. Love it.
Highlight of the week! They’re trying to get an ESL program going here in Brampton! Whoop whoop!
We live literally 3 minutes away from the temple.
The church has released this preeettty sweet video called “Because He Lives” for Easter. You can watch it here at helives.mormon.org ! To help promote the event, Sister Howle and I printed off the “He is Here” marker things and we’ve been taking pictures with them with people all around Brampton, and then they’re posting them on instagram with the hashtag #becausehelives. We’re gonna be instagram famous pretty soon, my friends.
Well, that’s all for this week. I know that Because He Lives, he can lift our burdens. No matter how heavy or how light they may be, He can heal us. I know that I can’t deal with this weird stress wave by myself. I need His help. And so do you. Never stop praying.
Love you all,
Sister Davidson ❤